Freedom Is Just Another Word

31 Mar

It’s not that I’m against freedom. Freedom’s great: without it, no doubt I would have done a lot more jail time. However, it’s all got a bit stupid these days.

For example in America, some so-called people argue President Obama is trying to destroy religious freedom because he’s kind of keen on Americans having equal access to healthcare. They also say any proposed tax increases are assaults on our God-given economic freedom.

Here’s the thing about freedom: there are limits. Try walking down your street naked swinging a dead rat over your head. Try grabbing a box of macaroni and cheese off a shop shelf and walking straight out the door. Try drinking two litres of ice cold water in less than thirty seconds. Try eating an entire Chrysler Town and Country station wagon.

If you think you have absolute freedom, even in Land of the Free, you don’t. If everyone were totally free to do whatever they wanted to, well, it just wouldn’t work now, would it?

I am a very moral person—ask any of the thousands I’ve slept with and they’d rush to agree.  My judgment is pretty sound. Does this mean I should have the freedom to slap the face of anyone who acts like a prick? Alas, it does not.

The problem is that while most people acknowledge that there are limits on freedom, they’re going on the assumption that the limits should only affect other people. They’re okay with telling Muslims they can’t do this or that, but how dare the Catholics be challenged. They’re okay with Trayvon Martin being shot because Zimmerman was “standing his ground,” but would they make the same defense if their child had been killed? They’re cool with crack being against the law, but would they support similar bans on the scotch and sodas they down each evening before driving their daughters to ballet practice?

This is why, despite my ace marks in morality, I have to accept that sometimes society will place some limits on what I can do. I may not always like it, but it’s a relatively good system overall. Perhaps instead of crying about the freedom they think they’re losing, the Republican candidates should appreciate the one they do have: the freedom to illustrate their total twatness on a national stage and earn quite a lot of money doing so.

God bless America.

4 Responses to “Freedom Is Just Another Word”

  1. Irvin Brandel Saturday, 31 March 2012 at 14:52 #

    Dear Agatha:

    I tried drinking 2 liters of ice water in 30 minutes and regained consciousness 3 days later. You make a good point, freedom has its limits.

  2. M G Sunday, 1 April 2012 at 12:30 #

    These people need to watch more John Inman.

  3. susieb4547 Tuesday, 3 April 2012 at 15:56 #

    Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose……WTH does that mean?

    • SW/AWW Tuesday, 3 April 2012 at 20:39 #

      I think it means Kris Kristofferson was confusing liberty with lack of material possessions. He makes an interesting case, but I prefer to take two other lessons away from the song: 1. Relationships built on hitch hiking are never going to last and 2. No one should play Janis Joplin near me when I’ve had too much to drink without expecting to hear my dramatic renditions of the entire second side of Pearl.

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