I mean it.
You’ll be wiser, happier and eight pounds lighter (geddit?).
No seriously now, everyday I get stopped by people on the street saying, “Agatha, we love your work, but we refuse to accept the future and will not regularly use the Internet for the following reasons:
- we haven’t found our computer’s on button yet
- we are afraid of trolls
- we find easy access to porn too tempting
- we’re just like that
so please publish a normal book the normal way so we have something to read in bed after we refuse to have sex with our partners.”
Okay, I finally said.
Everyone Needs An Algonquin: The Collected Wit and Wisdom of Agatha Whitt-Wellington is now available for purchase. It includes a few oldies-but-goodies from this website (where you could have read them for free, but whatever) and lots and lots of new work that will make you think, laugh and look more clever than ever before.
As an international mover-and-shaker, of course, I had to figure out how to simultaneously release the book to my fans all over the world, because I don’t want to be seen to be giving preferential treatment to any one certain country (not after the Fijians caused that ruckus about the debut of my first book of memoirs a few years back). So the book is now available in paperback and Kindle form at a buttload of Amazon websites.
Yanks:
Brits:
Canadian, eh?
Les Français:
- Buy it at Amazon France (en Anglais)
Das Deutsche Volk:
- Buy it at Amazon Germany (geschrieben in Englisch)
Gente di Italia:
- Buy it at Amazon Italy (scritto in Inglese)
Pueblo de España:
- Buy it at Amazon Spain (escrito en Inglés)
I’m not a doctor, even though I’ve slept with one from TV, but I worry that without this book, you’re putting your health in danger. Now you shouldn’t put your health in danger. Not even if the cool kids tell you to. So go ahead, buy yourself a copy. I can assure with great confidence (though notice I didn’t use the word guarantee, which is a legal term) that you will enjoy it.
In fact, why not buy a couple copies and give them away to your friends, family, ex-lovers or postman? Now is the time for generosity because if you wait until Christmas, they’ll be expecting a gift anyway and won’t truly appreciate your thoughtfulness. Besides, the guy said my back garden wall might not make it through another winter so I need cash to get that fixed pronto.
Lastly, I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but it’s likely you’re mentioned in the book. I mean, you’ve always known I admire you, right? Wouldn’t it be nice to see it in print? (Note: if your particular name is not included in the book, please accept my apologies for the oversight; I’ll give my editor a right thrashing, but rest assured I was thinking of you at the time.)
Lots of kisses, little ones!
Everyone Needs an Algonquin 
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