Tag Archives: Christine O’Donnell

Once, Twice, Three Times A Loser, Lady

3 Nov

What’s the likelihood that we’ve finally seen the end of Christine O’Donnell? After losing the Delaware Senate race three times, I think even the Little Engine That Could would probably say fuck it, I give up. Fingers crossed, little Miss Not-A-Witch moves on to a more appropriate career (my advice: look into medical transcription, it’s steady pay, relatively easy to learn and requires no knowledge of the Constitution).

I am so grateful that I was able to travel to Washington, DC to participate in the Rally to Restore Sanity. Even though I wasn’t pleased with all the outcomes of this midterm election, the day I spent on the National Mall with sensible and (mostly) sexy Americans gives me hope that so many (over six billion, according to Stephen Colbert) of our citizens still believe that critical thinking, rather than ranting from the media and the nutters, should guide their decisions.

The message of the Rally was to take things down a notch–stop shouting and calling names and start listening and thinking (a message I was politely trying to pass onto those border police, but they were having none of it). The placards that many people carried were perfect: clever and funny, as you know, are two of my favourite characteristics.

This is partly why I find Jon Stewart so delicious. However, I do have a slight bone to pick with him. On the big screen, he showed cars merging as they entered the Lincoln Tunnel:

“These cars — that’s a school teacher who thinks taxes are too high…there’s a mom with two kids who can’t think about anything else…another car, the lady’s in the NRA. She loves Oprah…An investment banker, gay, also likes Oprah…a Latino carpenter…a fundamentalist vacuum salesman…a Mormon Jay Z fan…But this is us. Everyone of the cars that you see is filled with individuals of strong belief and principles they hold dear — often principles and beliefs in direct opposition to their fellow travelers.

And yet these millions of cars must somehow find a way to squeeze one by one into a mile-long, 30-foot wide tunnel carved underneath a mighty river…And they do it. Concession by concession. You go. Then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go. You go, then I’ll go — oh my god, is that an NRA sticker on your car, an Obama sticker on your car? Well, that’s OK. You go and then I’ll go… Sure, at some point there will be a selfish jerk who zips up the shoulder and cuts in at the last minute. But that individual is rare and he is scorned, and he is not hired as an analyst.

Because we know instinctively as a people that if we are to get through the darkness and back into the light we have to work together and the truth is, there will always be darkness.  And sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t the promised land. Sometimes it’s just New Jersey.  But we do it anyway, together.”

New Jersey is not the promised land? Mr Stewart, use those sexy fingers to dial my number and I will personally escort you to the Shangri-La that lies within the borders of the Garden State.

But he’s right about that tunnel, it is a bitch. Especially when you’re in a hurry, it’s tempting to slide up that shoulder, wiggle your bumper and smile at the lonely businessman in the Beemer to push your way in. But it doesn’t work when drivers do that. Sometimes things take time. Sometimes you have to wait more than forty five minutes to get through that tunnel. Sometimes you have to wait more than two years to clean up the messes the previous administration and a global financial crisis left behind. America elected (kind of) George Dubya for eight years, yet so many have expected Obama to get it all sorted so quickly. I know he’s younger and ever so fit, but be realistic—he may not have accomplished everything yet, but he’s made a start.

The election is over and choices have been made. I beg all winners to remember the lessons the Rally taught us. Stop gerrymandering, filibustering and all those other five-syllable words that cause a bottleneck on the road to our recovery.  Reach across the aisle, stop shouting and calling names and start listening and thinking.

You go, then I’ll go, you go, then I’ll go. It’s what gets us through.

American Woman, Mama, Let Me Be

17 Sep

Since I’ve been in this country, I’ve taken a fair amount of ribbing about being American. Fair enough. There are many things that America has been responsible for, especially in recent times, that anyone with half a brain would recognise as shameful.

That’s why I was so proud of Americans when they voted in Barack Obama as their first African-American president.  So often, being the first of a certain race or gender to get into a position of power is only possible if one is extremely conservative; well, I say conservative but of course what I mean is pure evil. They break barriers, but the legacies they leave behind them are disastrous. So when, in November 2008, Americans voted in a black man who is intelligent, thoughtful, liberal and not pure evil, I was well-impressed.

Now it’s time for American women to step up to the plate and say, Yes, we can, too. Sarah Palin will always bear the honours of being the first female Alaskan governor and GOP candidate for the vice-presidency—we can’t change her Wikipedia entry now. But what I was hoping to see was sensible American women getting themselves together and making their voices heard. Alas, this has not occurred.

In fact the very opposite has happened and it’s getting my goat something proper. Have a scan of the US political news and the women you will see they are even scarier than Mrs Thatcher because, in addition to being evil, they are also ignorant as all get out (a combination even more dangerous than Pop Rocks and 7-Up ).

American women, as one of your own, I beg of you, do not let the Brewers, the Palins, the O’Donnells and the Bachmanns speak for you. What are you waiting for—things to get worse? When people in other countries picture an American woman’s face, don’t let it be one wearing those ridiculous spectacles. Put an intelligent American woman into office.

Do it for Susan B Anthony. Do it for Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Do it for your children. Do it for yourselves.

And for Christ’s sake, do it for me. Do you know how hard it is for an American woman to get laid around here these days?