I am extremely disappointed with both Paul McCartney and Johnny Marr, two men whom previously I had held in rather high esteem. They really both let down the ol’ Genius Team (of which I am Activities Co-ordinator). Apparently, they’ve both put the kibosh on a young and upcoming comedian’s album. First they refuse to donate items to the jumble sale we held to raise money for team uniforms and now they appear to have lost their sense of humour. What next, clever ones, are you going to start kicking puppies?
Harry Hill, a charming big-collared gentleman, was hoping to entitle his recording Sgt Pepper’s Volume 2. He was also going to redo the Peter Blake photo, replacing the human images with knitted creatures. But Paul McCartney and Apple said, “No way, José.” Why? Were they worried that people would really confuse the comedian’s work with the work of the Beatles (a combo often associated with said musician and label)? I’m pretty sure people will be able to tell the difference. Is it because Harry Hill is just a little bit silly? The Simpsons are pretty silly, but I don’t think their take on Sgt Pepper’s did you any damage. Why be so mean to Harry Hill? He’s a doctor, you know.
You are Paul McCartney. No one’s going to forget about your brilliance. They haven’t forgotten about “Ebony and Ivory,” have they? They aren’t going to forget about your good work either.
Now Johnny Marr, where’s your snootiness come from? I thought you might have learned something from being picked on by all the bullies of your youth. (I have no evidence this happened, but I’m willing to bet 50p it did.) Harry Hill recorded a medley of Smiths’ songs to include on the album, and Marr’s “people” (you have people, now, Johnny? Seriously, you have changed) have asked him not to. Outrageous! Is it because you were hoping he’d do a medley of Electronic songs? Dream on. What possible offense could you take from Mr Hill’s cover versions?
If there’s one lesson I’ve learned in my life, it’s that when you have a gift, you will inspire others. This is an honour, something we should be grateful for, not be fussy about. Whether it’s a tribute or a parody, if your work has inspired someone else, it means you’ve done something right. You should be ashamed, Mssrs McCartney and Marr. I hope you have a very good think about what you’ve done as you sit there, watching the darts, eating your Ginsters and counting your money.
Everyone Needs an Algonquin 
Agatha’s Public Chimes In