A Sense of Pride, Yes, But £200k?

25 Feb

A new report claims that the total cost of raising a child is now £210,848. Below is a breakdown of the costs.

I apologise in advance for their inconsistent use of ampersands.

Some of these figures are a little startling and indicate a real problem with priorities. Parents are spending over thirty thousand quid to keep their kids entertained (with holiday, hobbies, toys, leisure and recreation) yet just barely a thousand for personal care? I also wonder what on earth the children are buying with their £4543 in pocket money if their parents are already providing them with food, shelter, clothing, furniture, vacations, entertainment and even a car. I can’t imagine what that leaves left except for fags and no child should be smoking over 4000 quids’ worth of fags, even I will admit to that. Most upsetting of all, though, is the fact that parents spend £67,430 for childcare and babysitting. You could buy over 23 acres of land in North Yorkshire for less than that. Instead, parents choose to have children and then shell out the cash for someone to take them off their hands.

To pour salt on the wound, the “news” article I read about this report claims that parents can save money in the following ways: by taking advantage of bargains on entertainment; by buying “used” toys; and by cutting their own cost of living through shopping around for cheaper rates on insurance, credit cards, mortgages, etc. If I were a parent (which  I am not), I would be more than a little offended by these so-called suggestions. Firstly, on principle, I take umbrage with anything connected to the word bargain. Secondly, facts are facts: kids chew on things. When a toy is described as “used,” what they mean is “has already been chewed on.” In my mind, purchasing a pre-chewed-on toy for another child to chew on is tantamount to abuse. And finally, faced with the knowledge that I as a parent (again, I’m not) am expected to disburse over £200,000 of my hard-earned money for this little kiddie, if someone suggested that I alter my own cost of living by wasting hours upon hours on the internet trying to save 3 quid a month on my car insurance, well, I hope said advice-giver is wearing a bulletproof vest, because I’d have a gun and one of us is going to die.

I believe that children are our future. We should treat them well and what not. However, there’s already over two billion of them on the planet; I’m not sure we really need any new ones. Doesn’t it seem like a wiser investment to buy that land up North, make a donation to UNICEF and have a few bob left over to get yourself something nice on a rainy day?

2 Responses to “A Sense of Pride, Yes, But £200k?”

  1. HRH Prince William Friday, 25 February 2011 at 08:47 #

    My Dearest Agatha,

    Many thanks for sharing your very illuminating piece of investigative journalism with us. It has totally blown Kate and me away and – suffice to say – we are seriously considering your suggestion about donating to UNICEF and buying up some acreage in North Yorkshire (Whitby is fun I hear with all the goths, and Dracula etc…what?) as currently the “gang” (ie: nanna and co) are somewhat under-represented on the east-coast of ol’ Britannia. But I think what really did it was the thought of having to purchase all those second-hand toys that had been chewed by God knows what little urchin of our good mates (Posh and Becks’s probably, maybe even Eddie and Soph’s, or Ms Hilton – I hear she was partial to rocket-shaped play equipment at quite a tender age). Considering we will no doubt be having to make cuts like everyone else, I agree with you, I would rather not spend 200k on offspring when we shall be needing our loyal subjects’ taxes for simply every day living.

    Thanks once again my dear for bringing this to my attention, keep up the good work!

    Lots of love (and dirty thoughts of course!)
    Will

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Over A Thousand Children Will Be Born In The Time It Takes You To Read This | Everyone Needs an Algonquin - Sunday, 15 February 2015

    […] “is enriched, not impoverished” by children. I know he was speaking metaphorically, but it’s expensive to have a kid, especially if you plan to kit it out in a way that will keep other ‘unselfish’ […]

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