“Agatha! The Musical” is good to go—roles have been cast and rehearsals begin next week. The week of auditions was exciting and surprising, as I’m sure you’ve read about in the local papers, but it has paid off dividends. We had applicants from all over the world, and the competition was literally brutal. However, the producers were unable to find a lead actress for the Agatha role: some actresses were beautiful but fell apart in the more cerebral scenes. Others could pull off the complexities of the character but were flawed in their physicality. In the end, I’m afraid that the director decided that the only woman in the world who could be convincingly Agatha Whitt-Wellington is Agatha Whitt-Wellington herself so it looks like, for the first time in oh so many years, I’ll be treading the boards again.
Sadly, though I am a woman of many talents, singing is not one of them, so we’ve had to drop the “musical” aspect of the play. Unfortunately, our PR committee’s enthusiasm means we are already in possession of two thousand t-shirts bearing the “Agatha! The Musical” logo so we’ve got to stick with the current title. Therefore, we’ve set up an urgent Anti-Litigation Committee to head off any possible problems. Anyone with a background working with the CAP Code is asked to contact Bernard at the Village Hall as soon as possible.
Samuel Richardson said, “Calamity is the test of integrity.” Despite our slightly tricky beginning, I know our show will go on and be the theatrical triumph I’ve threatened it would be.
Everyone Needs an Algonquin 
Agatha’s Public Chimes In